Most people know the story of the Easter Bunny, but it's been centuries since parents dared mention the Legion of Beaster Bunnies. Known for their love of hiding children's toys, keepsakes, and life saving medicines, the Beaster Bunny Menace is a force to be reckoned with! And their eyes glow in the dark. Pretty spooky!
Sergio Jones. Let that name roll off your tongue a few times. Sergio. Jones. Now, look at his stoic face, manly over-bite, and piercing stare. Absorb. Now, know the face that has haunted the fears of wrong-doers everywhere; Sergio Jones, butt-kicker to the stars, righter of not-rights, and awesome crepe chef. Sergio spends his days loving the lovelies of tinseltown and dodgeing the tabloids. At night, Sergio hops into his souped-up GTO and hits the dark streets, striking fear into the hearts of boogie-men, rakshasa, and hub cap thieves everywhere!
Wembley worries about a great many things, and it's a ggod thing he does, too! Wembley has a unique ability that allows all the things he worries about to NOT happen, so now you know who to thank the next time you wonder about why Polar Bears haven't marched on Moscow, or why sporks don't explode when you put them in your mouth. Some of the other Great Concerns that Wembley has avoided for you include the Combustible Boys Choir incident of 1998, and the could-have-been awful nostril hairing of Angelina Jolie just this past year. Wembley needs a break, though, so maybe you should bring him home, and let him worry about some small scale things for a while!
When Billy turned 13, he noticed that he was starting to change. Parts of his body started to sprout tiny little flames, until he was finally covered entirely in fire! Billy can control the flames when he's in good mood, but has been known to burn down the occasional topiary when he's angry. Billy really wants to do good in the world, but a lot of people are afraid of teenagers and run to the hills at the first sight of him! Luckily for Billy, he still has a few friends, and they wander the city together looking for wrongs to set right!
And....the one my mom isn't going to like.....Leon the Nudist Zombie!
Leon loved going starkers in life, and that habit has followed him into undeath. He wanders about the land, looking for a sporting event to dash naked across, searching for a judge or referee to snack upon. Last year, he managed to munch most of the officials at Wimbeldon, which was a personal best for him. He tried to gobble up the judges at the Westminster dog show, but ate several handlers instead, allowing him to place third. He seems to be headed towards Indianapolis, perhaps to put a new spin on NASCAR.
Still to come this week....more Produce of Peril....and...NINJAS!
We won't bore you with the details of Reggie's conception, let's just say he is the result of an amorous dragon meeting a dim-witted folk singer after a busy night of sake drinking. Reggie has spent most of his life trying to live that down, but the other kids at the commune make fun of him regardless. They did, that is, until one fatefull summer, when a roving band of cowpokes wandered into the peacefull commune where Reggie lived looking for trouble. Reggie spewed a few warning gouts of flame, which sent the trouble-makers packing! Ever since that fatefull event, Reggie has been a hero to his people!
Legends abound of the mermaids, but few people have heard of the elusive Mermonkey. These frisky little guys swim around sailing vessels, cattering away at sailors and playing practical jokes on the unwary. Chad is probably the saddest Mermonkey you'll ever meet, because he just realised that something tasty and yellow was sadly lacking from his diet. He hates sea cuccumber, and has been searching for something else to nibble for years. One day, while swimming past Fiji, some local monkeys pelted him with banana peels, and he has been obsessed with them ever since! Bring Chad the Mermonkey home and feed him a million bananas!
Hank the Mermonkey has perfected an impersonation of Julia Roberts, which has caused a ton of trouble for people sailing by, then throwing themselves into the sea to save what they think is an emperilled movie star. Hank finds all of this endlessly entertaining, and is working his routine into ever more elaborate pranks
Monty has been training in the art of the ninja since he was about 34 years old, when he first stumbled across a Hong Kong cinema double feature on basic cable. Monty dedicates close to 4 hours a week working on his moves, and has developed the stealth and cunning of a 14 year old asthmatic house cat. Monty knows that some day his skills will be needed, and until then, he's devoted to keeping his skills honed to the best of his ability!
Tremble and Quake, meagre morsles! The Herald of the Purple People Eaters has arrived! Shruggoth cares not for your feeble cries of mercy! Shruggoth laughs as he dines on your fears, sucking your will to resist through your nostrils as you sleep! If Dr. Grimmleigh and his crack team of Monster fighting Luchadores can't stop Shruggoth, he will open a portal to the Dimension of Purple, where a million Fiends wait to nibble on the toesies of humanity! Oh, the HORROR!
